It's just so unfair. I keep saying it over and over. I look at my precious little boy and just cry. What did he do to deserve this - ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. WHY? WHY? WHY? I just want to scream at the top of my lungs. This adds one more thing to the list. When he was admitted to the hospital the nurse filled an entire page of notes when I was going over his medical history. I almost cried. He didn't ask to be born with all of these problems, he is an innocent baby. Or then I keep asking what did I do? I am not a bad person. I am trying very hard to make the best of the situation but it's really difficult. Dylan has been miserable, crying most of the day. It's very sad. It is so hard to even get him in a comfortable position, we've tried everything. He seems to only be happy when he is sleeping. It's just a big BUMMER! Poor Dylan. :(
I am now 13 weeks along. On Monday I went to have CVS(chorionic villis sampling) testing done. It is like an amnio but instead of taking amniotic fluid they take a sample from the placenta to test it for anything and everything. We met with a genetic counselor prior to the procedure and she told us that they will perform a micro array that will be able to test for hundreds of chromosomal deletions and rearrangements. I knew that if I ever got pregnant again I would have this testing done. I couldn't go through another pregnancy not knowing. Now we wait. It takes 2-3 weeks to get all of the results back. It's funny but I have been so worried about Dylan that it's like I almost forgot that I was pregnant - I have pushed it to the back of my mind. So seeing the baby on the ultrasound was good for me. So far so good, the baby was measuring fine and everything looked o.k. It has been hard for me to even be happy about this pregnancy. I haven't even had a moment to touch my expanding belly and smile. It's been a tough week/month/year and yes I am kind of depressed about everything and feeling sorry for myself, but I'll get through it - I always do.