Thursday, May 27, 2010

Sometimes life is very unfair....

It's just so unfair.  I keep saying it over and over.  I look at my precious little boy and just cry.  What did he do to deserve this  - ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.  WHY? WHY? WHY?  I just want to scream at the top of my lungs.  This adds one more thing to the list.  When he was admitted to the hospital the nurse filled an entire page of notes when I was going over his medical history.  I almost cried.  He didn't ask to be born with all of these problems, he is an innocent baby.  Or then I keep asking what did I do?  I am not a bad person.  I am trying very hard to make the best of the situation but it's really difficult. Dylan has been miserable, crying most of the day.  It's very sad.  It is so hard to even get him in a comfortable position, we've tried everything.  He seems to only be happy when he is sleeping.  It's just a big BUMMER!  Poor Dylan. :(

I am now 13 weeks along.  On Monday I went to have CVS(chorionic villis sampling) testing done.  It is like an amnio but instead of taking amniotic fluid they take a sample from the placenta to test it for anything and everything.  We met with a genetic counselor prior to the procedure and she told us that they will perform a micro array that will be able to test for hundreds of chromosomal deletions and rearrangements.  I knew that if I ever got pregnant again I would have this testing done.  I couldn't go through another pregnancy not knowing.  Now we wait.  It takes 2-3 weeks to get all of the results back.  It's funny but I have been so worried about Dylan that it's like I almost forgot that I was pregnant - I have pushed it to the back of my mind.  So seeing the baby on the ultrasound was good for me.  So far so good, the baby was measuring fine and everything looked o.k.  It has been hard for me to even be happy about this pregnancy.  I haven't even had a moment to touch my expanding belly and smile.  It's been a tough week/month/year and yes I am kind of depressed about everything and feeling sorry for myself, but I'll get through it - I always do. 


  1. Praying for you, Kristy! I am so sorry that you and Dylan are going through all this. It will get better and you will get through it, you are right about that. Love ya.

  2. Kristy- I am so sorry you are going through so much right now. It is so overwhelming at times. You know you did nothing to cause any of this and neither did Dylan. I know it is hard to hear sometimes and really hard to understand many times, but God handed you Dylan for a reason. You are an amazing mother, fighting for your little hero. You will get through these times and so will Dylan. I wish I knew of the right position for Dylan, but those casts are uncomfortable no matter what you do. You have made it through a week though so keep counting down the time.
    Celebrate the little one growing inside of you. She/he is another miracle waiting to meet the big brother, and what a good big brother he will be.

  3. Kristy, I am so sorry to hear what you are going through at the moment. I cannot imagaine how you are feeling. Please remember that none of this is your fault, and try not to think that.

    You are doing an amazing job with Dylan, this you should be proud of.

    Im glad that seeing the baby on the ultrasound helped.... I am so excited for you and the new baby... what an exciting time. I Hope you enjoy the rest of your pregnancy.

    Thinking of you x

  4. Kristy,

    You are right-- it isn't fair! I am here crying with you because I feel the lack of justice in this situation. I try to imagine how you are feeling, and I know that there is no way that I can truly understand all you are going through. I just know that if I could take away Dylan's pain, I would. I hope and pray that he heals quickly so that he can get back to making you feel so proud of his accomplishments-- he will be back on his feet in no time, and you will be smiling and happy again. Mostly, I hope that you can find time to enjoy this pregnancy. I am positive that the test results will come back perfectly normal, and when they do, I hope that you will be able to relish your growing belly. You are an amazing mother and an inspiration to me and many others...hang in there and try to smile. People have told me that everything happens for a reason. Maybe they are right-- and because of that, it means it will all be okay.

  5. I agree - it's not fair!! I also believe you didn't do anything to bring this on. I don't understand any of it, and I don't have any answers, but I feel your pain and frustration. I hope you will soon be enjoying your new pregnancy.


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